Ahimsa: The Art of Softening in a Hard World

What Is Ahimsa?

In yoga philosophy, Ahimsa is the first of the Yamas, the ethical guidelines that make up the foundation of yogic living (read more about the Yamas and Niyamas here). Ahimsa is often translated as “non-violence,” it goes far beyond just physical harm. Ahimsa invites us to pause, soften, and meet ourselves and the world with compassion, even when it’s hard. (Especially when it’s hard.)

From Perfectionism to Presence

I was introduced to the Yamas and Niyamas during my yoga teacher training, but it wasn’t until I read Deborah Adele’s book The Yamas & Niyamas that Ahimsa starting making more sense in modern day times. As someone who identifies as a recovering perfectionist, the idea of “non-violence with the self” didn't resonate. I realized that much of my inner world was over-shadowed by harsh self-talk disguised as ambition.

One moment that stands out to me is after I ran my marathon a few years ago. While I remember feeling so proud of myself the day I ran it, my inner critic took center stage the very next day: "Why didn’t you run faster? Why did you rest?" I barely gave myself 24-hours to be proud of running 26 miles, and instead reverted to old patterns of criticism. The negativity was immediate, and intense.

That’s when I had to choose: continue the violence, or soften. I chose to soften. That, I’ve learned, is Ahimsa in action.

Ahimsa on the Mat: Letting Go of the Push

My yoga practice has also taught me how subtle, and pervasive, violence can be. A few years ago, during a self-guided yoga retreat, a well-meaning teacher encouraged me to try full lotus pose. I knew it wasn’t right for my body, but I went for it anyway… and immediately felt a pop and sharp pain in my knee.

What followed was a painful injury and a deep reckoning with myself. At first, I was deeply upset. I’d been practicing for years, "Why couldn’t I still do this pose? I'm a yoga teacher!" But eventually, I softened (I was forced to). Over the course of my retreat, I realized the true practice wasn’t the pose, it was the self-compassion I had to build during this recovery. That moment helped me see my students with new eyes. I spent the rest of the retreat modifying and learning a new way to practice yoga that honored my restriction at that time. It changed how I teach, how I cue, and how I speak to students with limitations or injuries.

Another reminder came more recently, when I attended a retreat at Esalen in Big Sur while undergoing egg freezing. I had to bring hormone medications and modify my entire practice. No twists, no crunches, no cliffside hot springs, no signature Esalen massage.... so many “no’s.” But practicing Ahimsa meant respecting my body’s boundaries, even when it was inconvenient or disappointing. I’m so glad I went anyway because even though it was a different experience than I expected, it was taught me patience with my self and ultimately led to a deeper curiosity of learning pre and post-natal yoga teacher training.

Off the Mat: Ahimsa in Relationships

Ahimsa doesn’t stop when we roll up our mats. In fact, it’s usually off the mat where the real test begins.

One personal example that stands out is a tough conversation I had in a relationship. I was deeply hurt, and my initial instinct was to shut down or lash out. But I paused. I reflected. I reached out to my family for support. Eventually, I found a way to express my feelings with honesty and compassion. We were able to repair things, not because I held back my truth, but because I focused on speaking with compassion and kindness. And while I know that seems hard (and don't get me wrong, it was very hard) through this reframing we grew through this difficulty and got to the other side stronger.

And then there are the harder kinds of compassion: the kind where you choose to walk away. A long-time friend once stayed with me for the weekend and essentially used my space as a crash pad while spending time with others. I realized then: trying to keep the friendship alive was actually a form of violence toward myself. Practicing Ahimsa meant setting a boundary, even if it hurt and was disappointing.

Living Ahimsa in San Francisco

Living in the Bay Area, I’m surrounded by ambition. Hustle is practically a dogma here. And as someone balancing a yoga career and professional life, I’ve absolutely fallen into the trap of “just push through.”

But the body always keeps the score. These days, I’m listening more closely. I’m carving out space to rest, to recover, and to say no when something doesn’t feel right.

I'm by no means perfect, but I am learning to pause and instead of saying yes to everything, I'm learning to slow down and only say 'yes' to what I can physically and mentally handle - and learning to not push past my limits.

Another way I am reminded of Ahimsa is when we stand united against violence via peaceful protesting the injustice with ICE attacking Minneapolis and other parts of the US. I feel incredibly lucky to live in a city that protests the injustices in the world and brings visibility when it's easier to do nothing.

How You Can Practice Ahimsa

Here are a few small ways I practice Ahimsa in my daily life:

• Pause before reacting. Take a breath. Then speak.

• Soften your inner dialogue. When your inner critic gets loud, ask: Where is this coming from? Then speak to yourself like a friend (or maybe even your alter-ego or someone you admire).

• Honor your limits. On the mat and in life, saying no is a form of self-respect.

• Replace anger with compassion. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

• Don’t perform violence in disguise. Forcing a pose. Saying yes when you mean no. Staying when your heart knows it’s time to go.

Some Reflections You Can Ask Yourself

Ahimsa isn't something you can learn overnight. Its a practice that we must come back to everyday and learn from. Here are some questions you can ask yourself over the next month before we move to the next yama in this series:

1. Where might you soften instead of push through? Notice this especially when things feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

2. What does balance look like for you right now, and are you listening to your body’s cues around rest, energy, and pace?

3. Where might “helping” subtly turn into control, worry, or over-involvement?

4. What shifts when you relate to yourself with less judgment and more trust?

As you move through the month, return to this simple question:

Where can I choose non-harming: in my thoughts, actions, or expectations?

Closing Thoughts

I try to keep my public yoga classes agnostic of deeper yoga philosophy so I love happening the opportunity to speak in more depth here. And while haven’t talked much about Ahimsa in my public classes at The Whale’s Tail or on retreats (yet), it’s in everything I do. I see it in the way my students rest during class, the way they modify without shame, the way they show up fully human.

Ahimsa isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about being real. And gentle. And brave enough to be compassionate when things are hard.

Join Me in Practice

Want to explore themes like Ahimsa in person? Join me at one of my public classes in Golden Gate Park or on an upcoming retreat.

Further Reading

This post is a part of a series on the Yamas and Niyamas. If you're interested in further self-study, I'd recommend reading my other posts in these series here.